My husband says he realizes he is not fit for marriage and wants to be alone

I sometimes hear from women who don’t know how to approach (or try to overcome) their husband’s insistence that he just likes being alone. Maybe he asked for some alone time and pursued a divorce and then discovered that he enjoyed being alone. As a result, he may come to believe that he would rather live alone permanently and this can leave the woman very frustrated and very confused.

I may hear from a woman who says, “I wasn’t too surprised that my husband wanted to break up. He’s always been a bit distant and a loner. He always seemed to distance himself from me emotionally. That’s just his personality type. I actually know he loves me and I don’t take this personally because I see him exhibiting this behavior with everyone including his family and very close friends he can go months without contacting his family and then will contact base when they contact him so i know my husband is like that we have been separated for about two weeks now and now he says he wants to be alone permanently i had to ask him if there was anyone else and he assured me that wasn’t the case. He says he doesn’t really have the desire to spend time with another human. He says he’s just the type of person who needs to be alone. He says he’s extremely introverted and it’s exhausting for or him is to deal with another person so closely on a daily basis. I’ve seen this play out over and over in his life. But I thought I would be the exception because of his love for me. He says he has no immediate plans for a divorce. It’s just that he realizes he wants to live his life alone. He says he still wants a close relationship with me and he still loves me, but he loves his loneliness too much to pretend it doesn’t. He really loves me when we are together. But we are both sad that it has come to this. I have no idea how to handle this. “

Being patient to see if his attitude will change can be helpful: I can’t say this is a common situation, but I’ve heard of people involved in something like this more than once. Many people suspect that the spouse or unhappy spouse is just using this “wanting to be alone” statement as an excuse. The assumption that he doesn’t want to hurt his wife’s feelings and admits he doesn’t love her anymore so he just reverts to his introverted personality. I can understand why people think this. But I believe what the man says is valid in some cases. He can really believe it. Or maybe he’s going through some kind of struggle that causes him to isolate himself. I know most people resist counseling in these situations, but if you can use it that would be optimal.

That said, there are some people who feel much more comfortable and peaceful living alone. (I think it’s probably premature to assume with absolute certainty that your husband fits into this category. Because there are others who like the idea of ​​living alone, until they do it for a longer period of time, and then realize that it isn’t as great as they thought In fact, many are coming to realize that they are downright lonely But you will often have to wait for this to happen As tempting as it may be to convince him that he is mistaken or that it isn’t is healthy for him to be such a loner, this probably won’t work, he clearly believes that this is the way he feels and that the time and circumstances have to be right to change his way of life to change your mind.

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With this said, none of these mean you have no control over the circumstances. You do. You can continue to communicate in a positive way and enjoy the time spent together. I would suggest not pushing him or bringing up how difficult the whole situation is. Just enjoy the time you have together, show him that being together is more uplifting than exhausting, and then be patient that he’ll realize that being alone isn’t as great as he thought.

Determine the optimal situation for both of you: Some couples spend a lot of time alone and some even live apart some of the time. And that’s fine as long as this arrangement works well for both people. If not, what harm can it do to be patient and see if that changes? In reality, you already live separately. So it doesn’t hurt to stay the course, try to be patient and positive, and see if he eventually changes his mind. I would also suggest using this time to work on yourself. I know it’s a difficult thought. It was very difficult for me to pursue my own solo life during my divorce. But as soon as I forced myself to do so, my husband noticed a big difference in me and this really helped my situation. And I believe this shift has started the process of saving my marriage very slowly and gradually.

I would strongly encourage you to seek support, whether that be friends, family, a therapist, or whatever. You may have to wait and see what will happen without making any drastic decisions. And working on yourself is beneficial, whatever the outcome here. It is positive that the man is still in touch. That’s something you can build on.