Mental health fraud – Psychiatrists now claim they were crazy when they invented mental illness

Defense attorneys representing 10,000 psychiatrists on trial for the largest mental health fraud in history now claim their clients were suffering from a hitherto undiagnosed mental illness (Psychobabblorexia) when they mistakenly used 300 fake mental illnesses made up and made everyone think they were real doctors.

Graduates of numerous psychiatric schools, such as the Otto Von Bismarck Institute of Brain Hygiene and the Drug-U-Like Emporium, the accused quickly established themselves as experts in prescription writing, celebrity assassinations, parenting and education eradications and convincing people who are mental. sick.

By 2010, they had managed to publish 5 million newspaper stories convincing the entire population that they could not eat, breathe, urinate or think without the aid of drugs. They brought about a major change in the treatment of humans, especially the view that all human behavior, except torture, genocide and terrorism and the invading of small nations armed with spoons, is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. Indeed, the brain was blamed for everything and considered a sort of disappointment, so that no one minded if they continued to dismember and otherwise abuse the offending organ.

But last year, a routine tour of the Brain-U-Like Institute by a group of 10-year-old schoolchildren revealed certain discrepancies in the research the psychiatrists had used to diagnose the aforementioned legion of mental disorders — the main discrepancy in the study. was that there had really been nothing but people-watching on the street during coffee-and-Prozac breaks from the Institute’s cafeteria.

Entries in Psychiatry’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual that were based on the imaginary study have now been withdrawn, reducing the hitherto 500-page manual to an A4 pamphlet with the legend “Psychiatry Rools Ok.” on the front and “Oops, sorry” on the inside pages. Many have hailed this new, streamlined version of the DSM as a breakthrough and psychiatry’s most scientific publication to date.

The psychiatrists, meanwhile, have changed their plea from “We are above the law” to one of “guilty” on 1,333,789,567 cases of fraud, embezzlement and obtaining money with threats, 1,678,009 cases of false imprisonment, 345,678. 954 cases of drug pushing and 27,000,000 of inventing patients. They also agreed to pay back $3,000,000,000 in ill-gotten funding from governments.

Seeking a light sentence for their clients, defense attorneys have argued that undiagnosed mental illness caused their clients to fabricate mental illnesses that didn’t exist and take a lot of money from governments and health insurance funds. They claim they were completely insane when they vandalized millions of human brains, inadvertently instigated the Nazi holocaust and ethnic cleansing in the Balkans, and inadvertently brought Western civilization to its knees.

See also  Compare health insurance quotes using insurance comparison sites

Yet colleagues in government psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry question this narrative.

“As far as I know,” said a spokesman, “no one in government knew that psychiatry has anything wrong with it. We attribute the rising crime, drug and illiteracy statistics to the sheer swear words of the average citizen.”

As the trial enters its 334th day, the judge asked why no one had mentioned ‘this mental illness thing’ before.

Defense counsel argued that psychiatry had only discovered the existence of the new mental illness psychobabblorexia at lunchtime yesterday.

“It’s a good thing they did,” he said. “Because it looks like we’ve got some kind of epidemic on our hands.”